When you are young you tend to make up ideas in your head about what your future will look like. I think every person I know does this. I do this frequently! I daydream and imagine what my own future will look like. When I was young, I imagined my gap year to be filled with adventure. Later on it became clear that money is a thing and you actually need some of it to travel. This year I was supposed to be working towards raising money to achieve my goal of going to university and maybe visiting some new places. However, I wouldn’t have expected my anxiety to get to the point where I couldn’t physically work.
What I’m getting at is, you can’t plan the future perfectly. That much has become clear to me over the past few months. The perfectionist part of me wants to do everything that television and movies tell me I should do, but I know that it isn’t yet possible for me to do those things! Getting over my ideas about the future is harder than coming up with them. I’m okay with that. For me, this is just a small bump in the road. For now, I know the things I would like to be in my future but am uncertain if I will actually be able to attain them because, after all, is everything in life truly attainable? Priorities and personalities change over time!
I have a list of goals in my head that seem attainable but are still out of my reach at the moment. I know that with enough work on my part that at least some can be attained. I’ll list a few of them.
I would like to one day marry someone with a love of books almost as large as my own. At my wedding, I would like to hand out vintage paperbacks and chocolates as wedding favours. I want to wear a white wedding dress with long lace sleeves and a scalloped neck. For no other reason than that of the fact that I would like to look a bit like a Jane Austen character. I want tons of children! Well maybe just three or four…I just think it would be nice to be nice to be a mother. I like to think of what names I would like to eventually give them; for example I like the names William, Audrey, Rose, Henry, Annelise, Oliver, and so on. I would like to raise my kids without iPads and computers because I think it might be more beneficial for a child to learn how to live and learn through their own environment. However, I know that this may prove difficult with our changing views on technology! I would like to teach them to climb trees, plant gardens, and play pretend. I would like to introduce them to my favourite books and read stories to them out loud. I want my children to have fond memories of me when I die, remembering how my skin smells of lavender or how my smile could instantly make them feel secure! I honestly think that as a mother, I would most definitely spoil my children!
I know I can’t have all of these things, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t attempt to get them. I’m working hard to manage my anxiety, which is my main goal at the moment. I hope that I will soon be able to talk to people with similar interests so I can eventually date and get married. Children can come into my life whenever, just so long as I have the means to give them the proper love and affection that they need.
In order for the future to actually meet your dreams, you actually have to work at it. I hope that anyone reading this can eventually meet some of their goals in life. I have faith in all of you.
All my love,
Viktoria
Tales of Tea and Other Eccentricities 